I know.

[ she hadn't come back because it had hurt. it had hurt to see him afraid of her, when she'd thought he'd understood everything about her. there was the mission and that she'd failed at it, yes, but if she'd cared more about that than about what it would do to him to cross that line and join them, she would have persisted. stick had wanted her to. ]

He wanted me to keep trying. That's why I didn't come back.

[ it's why he'd sent her back all those years later, when he'd failed to do it on his own, in an attempt to try again. but she'd walked away from him for good at matthew's encouragement. stick had always insisted she be who she needed him to be, that she could never be anything more. matthew had made her believe she could.

he turns his back on her, and she waits a moment before coming closer, still holding back from reaching out to touch him in spite of her desire to. he can tell she's being truthful, but she can't convey the full magnitude of her regret for everything with just her words and her heartbeat.

she waits a few more moments, then dares to come within reach of him, if he turns back around. ]

He sent me back, a few months before my death. He wanted me to try again. I left him and he tried to have me killed.